All Roads Lead To Paradise: The Jimmy Paradise Story

In anticipation for next week’s sketch show featuring Jimmy Paradise, WMM is proud to put this bad boy back in circulation.(Originally released November 2011.) This WMM Original is the greatest motherfucking sundance submission of all time. All Roads Lead To Paradise: The Jimmy Paradise Story is an experimental detective story about a misunderstood beach poet/private eye, named Jimmy Paradise who has to track down JFK’s assassin before he has a chance to put the hit on President Obama. This movie is so good that it doesn’t even have to be finished to get into Sundance. See you in Park City Motherfuckers! Jimmy Paradise would like you to ignore the credits below as he was solely responsible for every single fucking frame of this movie and refuses to share the credit with anyone! Starring: Eric Michael Kochmer as Jimmy Paradise Shana Gregory Williams as Denise Ian Kerch as The Hitman Crew: Writer/Director/Editor/Colorist – Sam Mestman Cinematography by – Conor Simpson, Pete Castagnetti Assistant Director – John Sandel Production Sound – Ben Forman Sound Designer – Ken Cain Executive Producers – Doug and Bonnie Boccignone, Andrew Leonard, Scary Cow Productions

NOTE: This film actually WAS submitted to Sundance. It was rejected, incredibly. However, what has been preserved for all time was the application that accompanied it. Here that is for you viewing pleasure:

Production Still Photos

getsman23-150x150 Jimmy Paradise always gets his man! blackbelt-150x150 Jimmy Paradise is a 9th degree fucking black belt.

Director Statement What the fuck is going on, film audience? Jimmy Paradise here, and I’m the greatest director of all time. You’ve never heard of me or seen anything I’ve done, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m the greatest that’s ever lived and ever will live. My film, All Roads Lead To Paradise: The Jimmy Paradise Story stars me and some other fucking people. It’s amazing. It’s a labor of love. Of Passion. Of Soul. It’s the stuff of Filmmaking history, and is going to be bigger than Schindler’s Fucking List. You hear that Spielberg? That’s the sound of my motherfucking footsteps. I’m coming for you. This film took 47 days to shoot, and nearly 3 years to edit. It’s about perfectionism, and that’s what we fucking achieved with this film. Prepare to have your motherfucking minds blown, audience! Here’s a little fucking backstory for you to chew on. This film cost $500 to make, but it looks like $500 million, and sounds like a billion. We used what we like to call in the industry “digital film cameras”. Shit is fucking incredible. We recorded to a motherfucking hard drive and then edited that shit down to this movie. It’s revolutionary. The plot is epic. I don’t want to spoil it for you, but it’s relevant, and there’s some really deep philosophical and political elements to fucking watch in there. We lay it down hard and fast, and shit flies in your motherfucking face like an atomic bomb. It’s going to blow your mind and set your ass on fire. You’re welcome. Jimmy Paradise, out! Production Notes “Shooting Karate” It’s not often that the world gets to see one of the greatest living martial arts masters at work. But that’s exactly what the crew of All Roads Lead To Paradise: The Jimmy Paradise story got to see when they shot the kung fu scene in the beginning. Karate is an ancient art of self defense, and Jimmy Paradise is one of its greatest practitioners, a ninth degree black belt in the art. He specializes in the double axe handle spinning thrust kick, and put this on display multiple times for the cast and crew. It’s in the film. It’s awesome. You’re welcome. Resumès

jimmy-150x150 Jimmy Paradise – The greatest Filmmaker of all time Jimmy Paradise: Director, Producer JImmy Paradise was born into a traditional acrobatic family. He spent his formative years traveling from town to town with the circus. His best friends were circus clowns who taught him the ancient art of miming, and the secret life of the Hobo. He has no film or video experience outside of All Roads Lead To Paradise: The Jimmy Paradise story, and yet is still the greatest director in the history of film. This is a testament to his intelligence and being awesome at everything he does.At the age of 18, he became the youngest CEO in the history of Verizon, and was integral in bringing the iphone to America. At the age of 25, he was worth more than 100 million dollars. He took a golden parachute from Verizon and moved to a hut on Venice Beach. This is where he shot All Roads Lead To Paradise: The Jimmy Paradise Story. It’s the greatest film of the last fifty fucking years. He looks forward to receiving multiple Oscars, Golden Globes, and Independent Spirit Awards from it. He’d like to thank all the little people in advance for his success as a filmmaker. Midgets had a large hand in his upbringing in the circus, and Jimmy feels they’re undervalued as citizens in America.Finally, Jimmy just wants to take an opportunity to say that he is awesome, and that his film fucking rules. See you motherfuckers in Park City! He will be willing to sell the rights to All Roads Lead To Paradise: The Jimmy Paradise Story for somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 million dollars, provided he also receiives 50% of the gross profits. Thank you.

Synopses

3-Line Synopsis All Roads Lead To Paradise is an experimental detective story about a misunderstood beach poet who has to track down JFK’s real assassin before he can put the hit in on President Obama. There’s also Pagans and Scientologists and all kinds of other shit. It’s the greatest movie of the last 50 years. You’re welcome. 3-Line Synopsis (French) None provided by applicant. Programming Descriptors FORMS:Experimental, Narrative Fiction, Short GENRES:Religious, Romance, Underground, Erotic, Avant-garde, Blaxploitation, Crime, Cult, Deconstruction, Neo-noir, Independent, Magical Realism, Post Modern, Surreal, Action, Reality, Spiritual, Personal Narrative NICHES:African, African American, Native/Aboriginal Peoples, Asian, Asian American, Disability Culture, Islamic, Jewish, Native American, Third World, Youth/Teen, Buddhist Medium Synopsis Get ready to have your fucking minds blown, Sundance! All Roads Lead To Paradise is an experimental detective story about a misunderstood beach poet/private eye who has to track down JFK’s real assassin before he can put the hit in on President Obama. Featuring director, star, and American icon Jimmy Paradise, there’s also Pagans and Scientologists and all kinds of other shit in there too. Plus, there there’s this chick that stole Paradise’s heart, so there’s like a love story and that kind of shit too. It’s fucking awesome and you need to put it in your motherfucking festival because it’s the greatest movie of the last 50 years. You’re welcome. Long Synopsis Get ready to have your fucking minds blown, Sundance! All Roads Lead To Paradise is an experimental detective story about a misunderstood beach poet/private eye who has to track down JFK’s real assassin before he can put the hit in on President Obama. Featuring director, star, and American icon Jimmy Paradise, there’s also Pagans and Scientologists and all kinds of other shit in there too. Plus, there there’s this chick that stole Paradise’s heart, so there’s like a love story and that kind of shit too. It’s fucking awesome and you need to put it in your motherfucking festival because it’s the greatest movie of the last 50 years. You’re welcome. What the fuck is going on submission readers? This is Jimmy Paradise, star and director… So… I got like 800 words or so left here, so I’m just going to fucking talk to you for a second. You don’t need to read this… everything important is in the first paragraph. Maybe I’ll talk to you about my upbringing so you can get a sense of the type of filmmaker I am and what’s important to me and all that shit. I was raised in a traditional acrobatic family. We went from town to town, circus to circus, and my best friends were circus clowns. They taught me the ancient art of miming and the secret life of the hobo. I’ve been fucking blessed. I’m also one of the great martial artists in the world. I’m a 9th degree black belt in the ancient art of Karate. I’ve killed a great deal of motherfuckers with my bare hands. I don’t enjoy killing, but sometimes you just gotta kill a motherfucker, ya know? It’s nothing personal. I live in a hut on Venice beach, even though I’m a former CEO of a fortune 500 company and have a net worth of 242 million dollars… give or take. Maybe you’ve heard of Verizon… not that I like to namedrop, but i was their fourth CEO, and made the deal for the iphone. You’re welcome. Anyway, Sundance, my film is fucking awesome. You’ll be making a huge mistake if you don’t put it in your festival. It’s got soul. If you have any questions about anything, just let me know. Thank you for your time and consideration!

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